mother swan mothers day

The Mothers Day Post You May Not Like

mother swan mothers dayWell, here we are, another holiday to celebrate. Mother’s Day is upon us and it falls on a Sunday… oh yes, it always falls on a Sunday. Maybe that is so mothers everywhere can have a day of rest.

Nope, that’s not it.

I have four children, but Mothers Day has never been much different from any other day for me. I used to wish I had a caring husband who would work with the children to make my day special. I wished that for a few years, and then realized wishes don’t come true. Ya think?

I got gifts, and sometimes I got things I actually liked, needed or wanted. Once they were unwrapped, I made dinner. The day went on like any other.

But gifts were never what I really wanted for Mother’s Day. Like many mothers, I simply wanted a day off – a day for me. A day without meals to plan and cook. A day without dealing with the needs of the children. Without housework, walking the dog and feeding the cats. I used to dream of time for me, where I could sit and read a book, or do some drawing. That was the gift I craved. I would have accepted that gift any day of the year.

As I write this, imagining what Mothers everywhere are doing on their special day, the diversity of how they will celebrate is huge.

I can’t help but think of my own mother as well. She died of Alzheimers in 2008 so there will be no celebrating with her. She loved the attention, and believed the day was hers, no matter that her daughters were mothers too.

One year, my husband and I were invited out on a boat with some friends for a Mothers Day celebration. I asked my own mother to babysit and she never let me forget how I ruined her day by asking that.

I’ve been raising children for 40 years and I’m tired. I never got the gift of a caring husband who catered to my needs for a special day. But he’s out of my life, and that is an everyday gift I enjoy. My children are finally all grown, and they will wish me a happy day. That is enough.

Today I will stay off of Facebook and avoid reading the “I’m so blessed” posts where women will go on to brag about their fabulous husband and kids. Pictures will be shared where whole families celebrate all the moms with dinner out together. Oh I know it’s coming. Holidays – any holiday – is the time to show the world what a fantastic life you lead. I wonder if kids and husbands feel pressured to compete with other FaceBook posters?

Imagination is a wonderful thing. It’s how I come up with creations like the swan above.  I have some of those attributes, but not all.  My own mother had even fewer.

Mothers are not perfection, but if we try to be what our children need most, we succeed in giving the world the gift of more good people in it.  Sacrifice is a long-term commitment to carry on creating something we started.  From squealing baby to grown person, the trip is long and exhausting, and for some mothers, it’s a very lonely one.  In the end, I can say I did my mothering to the best of my ability.

Today, I am at peace.

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2 thoughts on “The Mothers Day Post You May Not Like

  1. Your post is sincere and real.–There is nothing wrong with that. As you already know, Mother’s Day isn’t always filled with flowers, cards, and a meal. Mothers, like everything else, come in all shapes and sizes, and being a mother doesn’t always fit every woman.–Not every woman is born knowing how to “mother”. It sounds like the latter fits your mother and to some extent, it fits mine as well.

    I can say I did not “mother” to the best of my ability. I wanted an education. I never longed to be a mother, it just happened. Don’t get me wrong.–I love my children, but my priorities were in the wrong place, and I never had that natural mothering instinct most other mothers seem to have. I’m far better now than I was in my 20’s. I realize I was selfish and self-serving. I could blame this on the role model from my own mother, but in the end, I take full responsibility.

    Loving husbands? Yes, I wish I had one, but I’m not putting all my eggs in that basket. I’m taking what I have at this moment and making the best of it.

    For my Mother’s Day, I will mow the lawn and clean the house for myself. I’ll prepare my own meals. My kids will call and I will call a friend (like a mother) to tell her she’s special, and that’s pretty much it.

    Sacrifice, especially if it’s never recognized, sometimes leaves a worn spot on our heart.

    I wish you a great day, Mother’s Day or not.

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